Her Child Was Kicked Out Of Two Daycares Before She Turned Three, But Her Husband Says SHE Is The Problem

Some issues in marriages are small, that are resolved with a conversation or maybe a nice dinner out. Other issues are bigger, and stem from deep-seated issues that require outside help to address. Sometimes these issues can be addressed with therapy, and sometimes there’s no choice but to take to the internet to ask for advice.

Taking to Reddit

Reddit is a forum where many people choose to air their grievances, safe behind the anonymity of the internet as the express different aspects of their lives. One user took to the subreddit to discuss some problems that he was having with his wife, and asked the internet for an opinion.

AITA has seen stories of all flavors, and it’s always interesting to see what the collective opinion of the internet is regarding the different experiences. This particular story starts with the OP (original poster) explaining that both he and his wife are full-time workers, and in order to achieve that sort of financial stability, they have their daughter in daycare.

Different Daycare Experiments

Daycare is an expensive investment, and one not to be taken lightly. It can be difficult to find a good daycare that will suit the needs of your child. Sometimes it can take time, as well; many quality daycares are booked out months or even years in advance for open spots, and so finding an arrangement that works with employment schedules can be tricky.

The OP on the thread went on to state that their child’s daycare experience had been harrowing, not only for her but for him and his wife as well. He explains that over the course of two years, his wife’s micromanaging tendencies had caused them and their daughter to be kicked out of not one, but two daycares, and that they were on the verge of losing their spot in a third.

A Learning Experience for Both of Them

With the first daycare, the OP admits that neither of the particularly understood how they daycare system worked. They didn’t understand that there wasn’t enough staffing or funding to really provide personalized care for their daughter if they requested it, and when he found that out, he was more than willing to back off and let the caregiver’s do their job.

OP’s wife had a more difficult time with that, due to her tendency to try and control every part of every situation. The OP mentioned that this is a flaw that his wife is aware of in herself and something that she is attending therapy for, but that didn’t stop her interference from becoming so bad that their daughter was kicked out of the first daycare after his wife lost her temper at the director of the daycare.

The Second Daycare

According to the OP, the experience with the second daycare was a little better. At that point, he said that his wife had started therapy and it was helping with some of her anxiety and control issues. Unfortunately, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and his wife still had anxiety and would get concerned over the smallest issues regarding their daughter and the daycare center.

These issues were things like their daughter getting upset over another child taking a toy away. OP’s wife would watch the incidents on the daycare’s live feed and didn’t understand why the other child wasn’t punished for their “bad” behavior, though the situation was resolved for all involved. Though they weren’t formally kicked out of this second daycare, the OP and his wife were eventually sat down and gently told that the program might not be the right fit for them.

The Third Daycare

For the third daycare program, they found a smaller home program that they thought would be able to provide the more personalized care for the daughter that both of them were seeking. This daycare was run differently that the previous two, though, and the wife of the OP was told, in no uncertain terms, that her previous tactics and behavior were completely unacceptable to continue while their daughter was in this new facility.

The OP was relieved that the owner of the new daycare was more firm in her boundaries, as he thought that would help his wife’s control issues. And, for the most part, he says that things have been okay, as the owner largely only speaks to his wife when there is a problem. But, as with the other daycares, his wife’s behavior has become an issue.

On Thin Ice With the Third Facility

The OP stated that he has recently been put into a group text message with his wife and the owner of the daycare, where the owner informed him that his wife’s text messaging has become a problem. She went on to say that she would only respond to messages at certain times of the day, and proceeded to list other rules of the daycare that OP’s wife had violated.

OP was, understandably, quite upset by this information. He explains to the Reddit audience that he and his wife then had to sit down, and he told her in no uncertain terms that they couldn’t afford a nanny or another daycare center, and that his wife’s behavior couldn’t get them kicked out of this third facility.

“AITA?”

He then went on to make an ultimatum: if his wife got them kicked out of yet another daycare facility, she would be the one quitting her job to take care of their daughter, not him. She was apparently very upset about this statement, and the OP says that now she won’t speak to him before asking the audience if he was in the wrong.

The audience was quick to jump on OP’s side. Many of the comments agreed that his wife’s behavior was unreasonable, and informed him that she would have a toxic relationship with their daughter in the future if she kept up this sort of “helicopter parenting.”

Relationships are Complicated, at Best

While it’s clear that the OP loves his wife and doesn’t like having to make these sort of harsh statements with her, it’s also a fragile situation to balance. His wife is in therapy to deal with her issues, it’s true, but clearly that hasn’t helped enough.

It might be that his wife would be better off as a stay-at-home parent if she truly has this much anxiety. With the internet, there is always nuance that can be lost, but this situation seems pretty cut and dry to both Reddit and the rest of us. OP is NTA, and his wife needs some serious help.